I myself have only done this a handful of times. Who wants to really think and understand who they really are? Sure, we like to reflect on our good deeds, or when someone tells us we are great, but how often do we sit there and contemplate about the qualities about ourselves that are not so “great”? I can honestly sit here and say that I did not start REALLY self reflecting about my not so great qualities until my late thirties. How sad? If I chose to do this at a younger age I may have realized how immature, judgmental, hypocritical and what an ass I really am sometimes! What took so long? What was I waiting for? The only two possible things I can come up with is I did not know or understand what self reflection meant or I did not want to come face to face with my demons and my ignorant self.
I, like many think all of our thoughts and opinions are not only right, but belittle others with their thoughts and opinions on a daily basis. We make them feel insignificant without even realizing we are doing it at times. Where does this trait come from? I could attempt to blame it on growing up with a negative mom or dad. I could point fingers at teachers who did not think my thoughts or explanations were ever sensible, or I could just own up to the fact that I had no control over my own ego. Option three probably sums it up best. About 8-10 years ago however I would have blamed it on a parent, peer or teacher. By doing that I only was clenching on to the negativity inside of me. I was not growing or moving forward at all. I wish I would have gained self empowerment years ago, but at the age of 40 I am quite pleased that I have it now. I know lots of individuals around my age who constantly complain and blame others for where they are now in life.
I think looking back and reflecting is hard. The blame game is way easier than admitting that I am an asshole at times. I made people feel bad and I interrupted them constantly to talk about my life, my kids and what was going on with yours truly. My devil’s advocate attitude hurt others. I always seem to think when someone is complaining about someone else to me I need to show them the other side of it. I have realized that this is not my job. I am working each day to bite my tongue and just listen. I was asked once by someone if I knew the reason that God gave us two ears and one mouth? I smiled and realized that I need to shut my big mouth and use those two ears more so when someone is speaking. Whether it is complaining or just talking about them. I dare all of you to try this. It is amazing to see how much we really interrupt others. Once you see this, you then have self reflected!
I keep practicing and when I think I am catching on something goes wary once again. The practice is difficult, especially when you are being bombarded with negativity all around. Not only while people are around you, but I also just realized the negativity on Face Book as well. Let me just touch on this for a second. The weekend that Whitney Houston passed away was a very sad time. When anyone dies it is sad, right? Well, with reading all of my comments on FB I was shocked at the outcome. People were blaming Bobby Brown for her death. Really? People were pissed that Whitney was getting more press than soldiers. People were simply angry and judgmental. I understand and realized that Whitney was all over the news. In the eighties and early ninety’s however she was in our lives completely with her music and of course we witnessed her ups and downs. The media feeds off shit like this and so instead of getting angry just breathe and try to understand this is what and how America is. When we get our underwear in a knot this is just our EGO taking control and feeding off of us. Don’t blame Whitney for all of the press she got. When I read all of the yucky and angry comments on FB, I tried to reflect on Whitney’s family and what they are feeling and her last moments of her life. Was she self reflecting? What was running through her mind those last few moments before she left the physical world? No matter what those thoughts were, her source chose to disperse and nothing happens on accident. It was meant to be this way. When I hear of anyone passing away it is sad. Unfortunately not all of us were in “America’s” limelight like Whitney.
Okay, back on track……As hard as it may be, try baby steps towards your own self reflection. What makes you wonderful? What makes you an ass? What qualities annoy you about others? Could you possibly possess any of these qualities? Before you say no, think really, really hard. You don’t have to admit it to anyone else, I promise. By acknowledging it and owning it as your own you have taken the first step to self reflection. From there your awareness will slowly guide and remind you each day when you slip a bit or fall down. Simply get back up and wipe off your big boy or big girl pants and stand tall. A bumpy road is a sure sign to a growing and more joyous journey.
*I hope everyone reads this with a open heart and if you do get offended, maybe you need to stop and self reflect right now………let your EGO know that you are in charge and anger has no room in your heart…….PEACE…….